$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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