Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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