Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
