So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
