he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
