I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
