Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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