"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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