I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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