I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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