I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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