apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
do herpes really smell.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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