We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
