I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
