The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
