just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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