This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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