i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
