when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
