would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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