How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize