cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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