in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
