Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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