The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
