My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
