If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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