so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you inspire me to be a worse person
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
