never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
