Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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