Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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