they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
