i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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