she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
