gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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