wat bout pragnant strippers??
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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