Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
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He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
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its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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