Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
