woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
