And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
