Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
