Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
