Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
