the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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