We're like a lot better than the average bears
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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