I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
