Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
