did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
