This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
