I heard we made out
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I will be naked everywhere
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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