don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
