The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
