So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
And then my night got REAL pukey
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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