What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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