the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
