so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
