you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
