I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
