it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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