Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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