Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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