First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
