Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
