toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
