she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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