North Korea, Best Korea!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
