You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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