Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
