I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
