I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
