I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize